Excerpts from a Pet's Diary
... from a Cat's Diary
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,
and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 761
Today
my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were
walking almost succeeded.... must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced
myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try
to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about
what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For
no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it
included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could
invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies
and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy
to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety
is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
... from a Dog's Diary
Day Number 180
8:00am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day Number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day Number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am -OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - oooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
